Journey of Soul
Having the heart of a cynic and a hopeless romantic makes me feel not quite belonging. Now, I am a believer completely. Meeting your spiritual love is self-destroying. It makes me realize I have so much karmic baggage to go around.
Hence, experiencing an ego death is so painfully profound it transforms who you are. I used to have the sin of pride and not enough gratitude. Pride because I believe that everything I have accomplished is my effort. I do not believe in divine planning and chances. Lack of gratitude because I always want more and do not appreciate what I have. I seek status and wealth unconsciously. It is within human nature. The beginning of wisdom is knowing thyself. I have been blind.
We are driven by our wounds. So many times, how I see the world is distorted because of my wounds. Just because someone call you ugly several times, you think you do not deserve love or respect because you are not good looking. You begin to see people based on how they look. You begin to value yourself depend on your appearances. One time, you are made to feel stupid, you strive your whole live to feel smarter. I always feel like I am not smart enough, not pretty enough, good enough. That is why I compete and achieve. Ego death destroys that outer shell. It cracks open your heart.
Now, I see people through the lens of their character, heart and soul as I measure myself through these things. When you have nothing left, these things remain along with faith, hope and love. That is why I feel such an immense joy when I encounter kindred spirits.
There is a big difference on being great and being good. If you can be great and good, bless you. Poignantly, sometimes, we have to choose. Eventually, I always choose the latter.
We are here to learn. We live across lifetimes to teach our soul. We embark on a journey. I always feel different — it is because we have our own path. Will I get a husband, children, a house? It depends on the divine planning. If you tell me this before, I will laugh. Now, it just resonates with my heart.
We all have our internal compass. Some of us find happiness in wealth, status, relationships, becoming a mother, a CEO, or a writer. Every decision matters. Our souls will learn. Some people fit in, some souls do not. Many people are squares, others are round. One is not superior to the other.
For me, now, I found my joy in immaterial things. They are moral joy and transcendent joy. They joy of doing the right thing — serve others. And the joy when you commune with the divine.
You do not have to agree with me. We have our own path.
I wish you the most worthwhile journey.
If you have time, however, sit with me.
Let us enjoy eternity together.
